Lake friends

Over the past ten years of owning my lake front property I had always thought of it as the best place to enjoy with friends and relatives. As many of you may know, childhood experiences play into our beliefs about how the world operates. This, in psychological terms is called our world view.
As a child, I was the relative and guest at my grandfather’s lakefront, and then as a teenager, at my Mom’s husband’s lake front. Many people would gather with us to enjoy the activity of the lakefront. It seemed to me to be the center of fun and community. I could not understand why my grandfather would occasionally complain “Everyone is happy to come and use my boat, motor and equipment, but no one is around when it comes to maintenance”.
Having guests over to your lakefront property is very different then having them over to your house. The obvious answer is well of course there is a lake! This also brings about some very special and unique considerations that you may want to take into account while entertaining.
First of all, many people have had very negative experiences around water. Unfortunately, some people have had experiences around near drowning, which contributes to phobias around water. I know this well, when my wife was a child of about six she was at Coney Island Beach in Brooklyn with her family. She and her mom were on the water, it was a swimming lesson in progress. However, both were pulled under the ocean current by a huge wave. My wife recalls someone carrying her to safety just in time to observe her mother lying on the sand with a lifeguard trying to revive her. In the end both were ok. Some years later, while swimming with friends at Jones Beach (Long Island) she was pulled under the current by a wave. She recalls feeling disoriented and unable to breathe. Events such as these will forever scar an individual’s ability to be comfortable around water and related activities. I can still hear my mother (Social Worker by occupation) saying to me “Pete, when you are with the kids in the lake always be close enough so that you can grab them if their head goes under the water…Once they have a negative experience they will not want to swim”.

Many people do not know how to swim. My wife’s family, I love them dearly, but many of them have lived there life in New York City and are non-swimmers or limited swimmers.
This is challenging for me as I have such a different worldview and experience. As young child my family would have fun trying to sink each other’s canoe! King of the dock was as much fun as wrestling could be. Diving off a variety of rock formations and swimming in cold deep water was fun and exciting. As a child water was my play ground, but for my wife, it triggers fear and anxiety. It is hard to recognize that people can have an almost alternate world view from yours.
Recently my wife and I had two foster kids ages 6 and 9 up to the lake. The 9 year old claimed that she was a good swimmer and eagerly walked into the lake. These claims were quite the opposite. She had very little swimming experience, and had never been over her head. She was so afraid of the deep water that she refused to take the YMCA swimming test.
I had a situation where an adult did something similar; she asked to drive a 9.9 hp tiller outboard on a 12 foot row boat. Within minutes it was obvious that she did not have prior experience driving a motorized boat. Later, she stated that she had never drove a boat before, and she admitted that she actually had certain phobias about boats and motors. I wish that I had known that prior to the boat ride! She became terrified during the course of this “at dusk” boat ride.
Lastly, I have a good friend who knew how to swim and was a capable driver of many vehicles, including being a pilot. He asked if he and his wife could drive the 17 foot boat with a 90 hp. This is a person that I trust. I said “have fun”! I neglected to show him a map of the lake and where to avoid the rocks. I looked up from my dock to see a boat squeeze in between two islands where the water was only about 4-6 inches deep. I said to myself, there is another person that doesn’t know the lake and they are going to be buying a new motor! Then I realized that was my boat! My heart went through my stomach. At this point I prayed quietly. Amazingly enough, perhaps because the boat was on a plane, he missed any damage. He returned the keys to me with smile none to the wiser about the danger that he had just missed.
There are many other areas that are vastly different for entertaining at your lakefront then from your home. Many people do not understand the compromises that you must make to live on the water. A septic system may be one of them. No washer or dishwasher may be others. I converted my “grandfathered make shift” septic system to a holding tank. Being about 40 feet from the lake, it is not comforting to know that your sewage enters the place you might swim. Many state and local laws are now very strict about what you can and can’t do around lakes. So when you entertain at your lake front you also increase the use of your well and septic system. It’s not free. You pay in terms of money, impact to the lake and environment. We have a rule that we ask people to follow, “Yellow mellow, brown flush is down”. This combined with a low water usage toilet allows having our holding tank pumped only 2 times per year at a cost of $500. Many people who have visited us don’t like this rule. Yes, it can make the bathroom smell. Remember, indoor plumbing did not happen in the US for most households until the early 1900’s. That hundreds of years of using out houses.
In conclusion, entertaining can be fun and enjoyable, but entertaining lake side is vastly different then entertaining at your home. Screen the people you invite. Some people are just not “lake” people.